My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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