Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
