Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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