dude i'm inner monologue high
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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