no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
