i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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