Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
