I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
