I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
FUCK WHALES
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