Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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