i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
