Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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