I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
