I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
