Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize