If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
