he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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