So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
