it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
