I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize