You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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