You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
