Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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