ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
