So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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