I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
