I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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