I think i peed on brittanys purse
Michael Bay diarrhea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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