i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
