and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
