We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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