Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
