We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize