If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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