Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
