probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
