Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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