i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
