The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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