remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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