You're my little dorito
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
