I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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