i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
