I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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