I don't usually arrange sex via text message
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
