worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I deserve this hangover.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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