I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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