I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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