He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my shit smells like andre
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
