That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think your dad took our porno
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
