At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
