my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
