come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize