u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
