Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
