I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
