Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
