so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
