I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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