Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
