I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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