Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
