so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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