I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
