I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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